Reflections through the mirror

Blogging from my phone

Shade — Thu, 17 Sep 2009 10:32:07 +0000

Just testing my new app that allows me to blog from my phone!

Yippie!

Lukewarm

Shade — Sun, 31 May 2009 01:56:54 +0000

I have been thinking a lot lately about being lukewarm when it comes to my walk with God. I know that God has a calling on my life. I have been through so much in life from sexual abuse as a child, suicide attempt, coverting to Islam, bad marriage, pregnant with a child and told there was a 90% chance he would die at birth,….the list goes on an on.

Through it all God’s mercy and grace has saved me. Saved me from my own bad decisions, saved me during my rebellion, saved me when I didn’t want to be saved.

So why is it so hard for me to live OUTRIGHT for God? Why am I concerned about what others will think? I have allowed my pass sins to dictate who I can be in the future. I know that it is time for me to put away childish things. Rebellion is a childish thing, purposely sinning when I know better is childish. Living for man instead of for God is childish.

I can no longer be lukewarm – God has too much for me to do in His kingdom. I also realize that all those who trully love me will accept the new me. That’s right I am new…I am not the same Erica. I have been called and sealed by God and it is time for me to walk in my annoiting. To use my gifts – to pray without ceasing!

Don’t allow your past mistakes to dictate your present or future. If you know to do better than do better! No one knows the time or the hour – there is no guarantee that you will have time to get right. If you know you are not right – get right now!

I am a mom

Shade — Sat, 09 May 2009 12:27:25 +0000

Mother’s Day is tomorrow and it has me thinking about one of the most important titles I will ever have – mom. What a small, simple word to sum up a job that is neither small nor simple.

Mom – in the 8 years I have held the position, I have never experienced so much joy, laughter, love, pain and frustration. I can remember the first time my oldest son said “ma-ma”. I remember jumping up and running to him so excited to finally hear him acknowledge me as his mom. You can imagine my dismay over the next 8 months to hear him call every female he came in contact with ma-ma. I would hear him say ma-ma and think: What?! ma-ma, she is not the one who carried you for 38 weeks. She is not the one who suffered through postpartum depression exuberated by the fact that for some reason she could not produce enough milk to breastfeed you. Nor is she the one who finds out later that she couldn’t produce milk because she was suffering from Graves’s disease which was brought on by her pregnancy with you. Boy, do you not know how much I worked already to earn that title, just to hear you bestow it on random females…

Fortunately for me although those random females may not have suffered through the things I did, they also did not reap the rewards I have. They are not the ones who get the unexpected hugs or “mommy, I love you”s. They are not the ones who open the bedroom door in the middle of the night and are overwhelmed with a sense of peace as they watch my children sleep. They are not the ones that get to watch my children grow and marvel at their uniqueness and individual personalities. Nor are they the ones who get to laugh at the funny things my children say and do.

As this mother’s day approaches, I am so grateful to hold the title of mom. Although the job is neither small nor simple, there is no other job on this earth I would prefer to have.